The Usual Girl.

There's an old man on the route I've been working since I started my job who, until recently, did not seem to like me at all.  On day one, I happily said, "Hello!" And with a scornful look, he asked, "Where's the usual girl?"  I replied, "Are you calling me unusual?" but he didn't seem to get it so I continued, "...she's on a different route today."  He crossed his arms and said, "Hmm."  

And that's all, for months.  Every day, he'd stand outside and cross his arms and not say a word, no matter how many times I greeted him or commented on the weather.  He'd just stand there and stare, obviously still wondering Where's the usual girl?  Then finally, FINALLY, last week he must have decided that exactly enough time has passed that I am now the usual girl, because when I said my hello to him, I was shocked to hear him reply, "Hi, how are you?"  A greeting and a question all at once was almost too much to swallow so I might have stuttered a bit with my response, but we did embark on a most wonderful conversation.  And now that I'm the usual girl, he talks to me every day.  Every.  Day.  In fact, I can't get him to shut up.  More in fact, I'm kind of wishing that I could go back to being the unusual girl.  This is a good example of being careful what you wish for.  

A Good Remembory.

I'm merrily cleaning the house when I find something that makes me even happier: one of Kyler's memories.  Seriously.  Kyler leaves his memories strewn about the house and it's the one thing that he never gets in trouble for 'not putting away'.  To ease your confusion, I shall explain further.  When something happens that Kyler doesn't want to forget, he jots it down on whatever he can find.  (Kind of like this blog, but way more chaotic and way less organized).  It's not uncommon for me to run across a wrinkled-up hamburger wrapper that says, "Mae farted on November 13th so loud that we both laughed until we cried."  And I'm not the only one who finds these random memories.  I've heard many roars of laughter coming out of Kyler himself when he unexpectedly finds his own memories.  He then reads them very loudly, we all have a good laugh, and he hides said memory away for another day.  I've wanted to do the same thing, just because it's fun and puts everybody in a good mood upon finding one, but it's kind of Kyler's 'thing' and I don't want to intrude on that.  And is it okay (I hope it's okay) that it makes me so incredibly proud that he does this?  Any way that my children can find to spread happiness in this world (or at least in this house) makes me feel like I'm doing something kind of right.  I just love them so much.

Life is an adventure. Unless you do the exact same thing every day.

When I trained for my job, they warned us about multiple ways we could have accidents, all terrifying.  We were shown a whole slew of photos of overturned mail trucks, some with the horrendous word 'fatal' written on them.  We were warned, of course, about dogs and how to spot the telltale signs that a dog is going to bite you.  We were educated on heat exhaustion and heat stroke, as well as how to avoid it.  And last, but not least, we were warned of slip/trip hazards.  Just one twisted ankle means I have no job.  Here are a few things they didn't warn us about:

-Trees can move when you're looking at the mail.  So can parked vehicles.
-Tree branches can take the sunglasses right off of your face, as well as pull your hair and leave you unable to walk any further.
-Little kids will tell their mother on you if you give the mail to their older sibling.
-Crazy old ladies will slam the door in your face, lock it, then look out the window and say, "Have a wonderful day!"
-People will offer you beer.  Nicer people will offer you water.
-You will see your friends drive by and wave at them, then realize it's not them at all.  (Amanda E., I hope you're reading this...I have waved at you at least twenty times, but it's never actually been you)!

And that's all I can think of right now.  This was a great week.  I learned a lot of new area and met a lot of new (some crazy, some not) people.  There are some stories that I don't dare tell, just in case anybody reading this might know who I'm writing about, but just know that this is a very bizarre world that we live in.  Only ten weeks in and I have been speechless more times than I can count.  Every day is a true adventure.  Out of the blue the other day, Kenny said, "You could probably get your job back at Nelnet if you tried."  Um...no thanks.  Every day was exactly the same and that's just no way to live. And now that my feet are no longer aching and the heat doesn't seem to bug me, I sometimes feel like I'm just taking a really long walk and observing the world around me.  Just yesterday, a hilarious man was in his yard, watering his garden.  He saw me and sang in an operatic tone (like seriously, SANG), "You're here!  You're here!  You're finally heeeeeere!!!"  And then he sang about watering his lawn and then he sang about droughts.  I told him, "I'm sure it will rain right after you're done watering."  He turned his hose on me but couldn't reach, as I was already walking into the street.  He yelled after me, "I hope it pours and soaks your ass!"  I laughed, then immediately felt three raindrops and it wasn't so funny anymore.  I looked back at the man, who was looking at the sky and saying, "No waaaay!" but then I never felt anymore raindrops.  Still, funny shit.

And in case you're not my friend on facebook, here is an updated photo of Jakobi's garden:

Everything's growing.  I've never been able to grow anything, but it's all blooming and I am just amazed.  I try not to think about how many days until his due date (twenty-two) and I try not to worry about how I will feel on that actual day, but at the very least, I am thankful that it falls on a Sunday because I just can't imagine toting mail with tears falling down my face.  BUT...when I really think about this, I feel that Jakobi is responsible for all of my recent life changes.  Especially my job and my great outlook on life.  I am no longer 'eating for two', but instead 'living for two'.  If he can't be here with me, then darn it, I'm going to be happy and adventurous enough for the both of us!  There is good in every bad thing that happens.  There really, really is.  You've only got to realize it.  And I'll leave you with that thought.  Happy Weekend!

Loooooooooong day.

One person calls in sick, and we're all in for it.  Everything got flipped sideways and upside down and  I ended up delivering mail to my 9am'ers at 6pm.  It caused mass confusion for people and dogs alike.  Do I try to bite her in the early evening?  And the people must have felt sorry for me because they sure were nice to me.  But work is over now and I have once again heeded the advice of a fellow co-worker: "DON'T DIE...or they'll fire you."  So far, so good.

So today I went to a whole lot of new places.  New people, new mailboxes.  There were at least three houses that I stood outside of, looking dumbfounded, unable to find the mailbox.  One ended up being right behind me and the owner just couldn't help but laugh when I asked where he keeps his mailbox.  At another residence, I was admiring a large dog statue (you have no idea how many statues I've nearly sprayed...they sure do sneak up on me).  This particular statue was HUGE and I kept thinking to myself that I've never, in real life, seen a dog quite THAT big.  Just then, the statue turned its head, looked right into my eyes and in a flash, jumped off of the porch and came charging at me, barking and growling.  I had just enough time to run backwards and he had only so much chain before he was run-choked.  Later in the day, another very large dog actually took the mail right out of my hand and brought it to his person.  I can't even get my husband to do that!!!

And now, since I've already eaten, I shall drink and be merry!

What the best me did today.

I find myself constantly surrounded by this strange air; a feeling; a moment suspended in time.  Like I am everywhere.  No, not everywhere, but every time.  I am six and fifteen and thirty.  I can have a sword fight with fallen tree limbs and attend very important meetings in the same day.  Everybody that I have loved, then lost, is still here, somehow around me and always, always reminding me to think of them and remember everything.  I know it's all of this free time I have to just think and think and think until I get too tired to think, but then I still do it anyway because I don't know how not to.  So I go through my entire life; every memory I've ever had, front to back, then back to front and sometimes just all jumbled up.  I can suddenly remember people that I've forgotten existed.  

I delivered mail to the house where I broke my wrist and learned to roller skate and one day, Jared broke out the window on accident and we laughed forever.  The house is a different color but the sidewalk is the same.  So is the tree.  And the mailbox.  And it makes me really confused how some things can be so unchanged after sixteen whole years while others I wouldn't even recognize.  Did life move on or didn't it?  Are we living in order or will we someday get to go back and visit the times we miss the most?  When I finish writing, I go back and edit, fixing all of my errors and rewording things to my liking.  It's unfortunate to realize I can't do that with my life.  But I CAN be the best me every day.  

And my spotlight moment of today was this:  A woman walks her two dogs every day.  I'd estimate that she is about fifty years old, but she has the mind of a child and talks like one, which is probably what drew me to her in the first place.  I have this strong sense of protection, as if she needs me there even though it's obvious that she is making it through this world just fine without me.  Anyway, today, I met up with her on the sidewalk just after the nine o'clock downpour.  We were both soaking wet and so was her dog.  She looked sad so I tried to cheer her up by wringing out my hair.  She then told me why she only had one dog.  "My black boy dog, him died.  Him was shot up by a needle and I couldn't watch."  She got teary-eyed and so did I.  We talked for a couple of minutes, which is more than I normally allow myself, but I certainly wasn't just going to walk away from a conversation like that on a glum day like today.  I didn't make her laugh hysterically or change her entire life with my sympathy, but I listened to her and that is what made me the best me today.  People just need to be listened to.  So that's that.  My advice: LISTEN.  And if you have something to say but don't want to be an annoying tell-all, just start a blog like me.   

Today, I melted.

Assuming that I deliver the mail in a timely and professional manner each day (I do), I have approximately seven hours to walk around and daydream.  Since the temperature reached ninety-nine degrees today (and in case you didn't know, those fancy-looking trucks we drive around do NOT have air conditioning, so go ahead and add another ten degrees), I mostly daydreamed about ice cubes and swimming pools.  I'm pretty sure I even hallucinated a couple of breezes.  I was offered a cold bottle of water by one lady, just after a man told me to help myself to his sprinkler any time.  I'm not sure if he meant for drinking or running through, but just to be safe, I'll probably do both next time it's this hot out.  And in the midst of this horribly heated day, while sweat was pouring down my face and my back, I just kept thinking I'm so glad I don't work for Nelnet anymore. I always figured that when the weather becomes unbearable, I would have regrets.  I honestly and absolutely do not.  

Just last weekend, I finally found time to clear my old desk off.  It felt so good to throw away my giant book of procedures that I dug it right back out of the trash, announced, "I'M THROWING AWAY THESE PROCEDURES THAT I'LL NEVER EVER EVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN!!!" and promptly threw them away a second time, even though all in attendance (Kyler, Mae and Kenny) were sitting in the kitchen and witnessed the first throw-away.  It felt like when you dive off of the diving board into the swimming pool and plummet deeper than you anticipated, then frantically swim to the top because you are all out of breath and fearing for your life.  Throwing that book of procedures away was like getting that first big breath of life-saving air.  I might be making it sound more dramatic than it really was, but I just want you to understand how relieved I am to be working like a dog instead of a leach.  Dogs are much happier.  Or at least I think so because I've never seen a leach smile.  

And since I've mentioned swimming pools twice, I'll go ahead and say that we did go swimming today.  I met Kenny, kids and nephews at the pool when I got off of work.  I showed up during pool break.  Standing in the hot sun, Kenny immediately began quite the bitch session to me about how hot it is and how he just needs to jump back into the pool.  I said nothing but might have given him a look.  He quickly quit complaining and asked cautiously, "How was your day at work?" and then, "Here, let me put some sunblock on you."  

Fast-forwarding (or as three year old Kyler would say, "Front-forwarding) to the here and now, Mae's cat was laying on the back of the couch, fast asleep.  It fell from the couch-back directly onto my head...and didn't even wake up.  I gently lifted it back onto the couch and it still didn't wake up.  This is exactly how I plan to sleep tonite.  Good night, friends.

Me, meet me. And me, this is me.

Now that it's happened twice, I feel comfortable enough to write about it.  The first time it happened, I was extremely exhausted and thought that I had just found myself mirrored in some sort of paralleled world.  I don't have the right words to explain it...just one of those weird things like deja vu.  But when it happened again and I was fully rested and aware (and there was a witness so any ideas that I might be crazy are unfounded) I realized that it was real. So here it is: there is another me.  At the stoplight on 70th and Pioneers Boulevard on a Sunday afternoon, I was turning left and so was I.  Seriously, my Jeep was facing a Jeep from the opposite direction and there I was, face to face with somebody who looked exactly like me and drives the same vehicle.  The first time also happened at a stoplight, but I was right next to me that time.  This time, Kenny was with me.  As I stared myself in the eyes in complete shock, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kenny was looking from me to her and back again.  I quietly asked him, so as not to shake the moment up too much, "Is that me?"  Kenny answered back with a near yell, "OH MY GOD SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU!!!!"  He then apologized and said, "I know that people don't like to hear that somebody looks like them."  It's usually true.  Every time I've ever said that somebody looks like somebody else, they take it as a complete insult, like I am the only me, you asshole.  But this was so completely different.  Maybe because I noticed it first.  Or maybe because I wanted to hang out with this girl that looked just like me.  I found that I wanted to know more about her.  How much of me is she?  Is she allergic to Ibuprofen?  Does she like to play Twister when she gets drunk? And where did she get those dangling earrings from, because I used to have some almost exactly like them but I lost one and I miss them.  And then I really started wondering...how many times have other people thought she was me?  Because honestly, people are always telling me that they waved at me and I didn't wave back, or maybe they even honked their horn and jumped up and down.  I've always just written it off as senility because if you've ever met my mother, well, let's just say that the spacey apple doesn't fall far from the dazed tree.  But now I'm thinking that all of those people that have ever waved or honked at me were really just waving or honking at Other Me.  And Other Me probably thinks that you people are all just crazy, constantly causing an uproar and calling her the wrong name.  Poor other me.  Now I feel bad for her.  Or me.  Or...here goes this confusing paralleled world thing again.

Horse-deers.

Yesterday morning, both kids were at sleepovers.  I was moping through the house at six o'clock in the morning, not yet ready for the day and still wishing I was in bed.  The dogs decided to wake me right up by both running to the front window and letting out a series of growls, barks and howls.  I, too, ran to the front window and saw four deer.  Very, very large deer.  But then I rubbed my eyes awake and realized they were not deer, but instead horses.  The neighbor's horses.  They were headed for the back yard so I turned toward the back door.  When I slid the door open, I could hear somebody talking.  There is an eight-foot fence that separates our neighbor's yard from ours and after listening for a few seconds, I could tell that my neighbor was talking on the phone.  And here is the very first thing I eavesdropped on:  "They're just gone!  I don't have any idea where they're at!  FOUR!  FOUR horses have just vanished!!"  And from where I stood, hearing what he was saying and seeing the four horses standing directly on the other side of the fence, calmly grazing and having no idea they might be doing anything wrong, I had to take a long moment to laugh before I woke Kenny up.  After explaining the situation and opening the back door for Kenny to listen to the neighbor, who continued freaking out over his lost horses, Kenny also had a great laugh.  Then, he pulled on his shoes and chased the horses home.  

Work was good, but short.  Low mail volume = I go home early.  The one dog that I have sprayed tried fooling me by getting a haircut but here's something I learned last week:  Most (most) little dogs get seriously terrified if I simply bark back at them.  It works best if I bark like them and even better if I flail my arms.  I accidentally did this without realizing one dog's owner was sitting on his front porch, but to my relief, he thought it was hilarious when his dog tried running away from me and tripped over his own leash.  

Tomorrow is a no-work day and I just can't wait to take the kids to the fireworks stand and then spend the day blowing things up and eating grilled food.  Yay for independence!!!