Wanted: One Spokesperson

I’m happy to announce that summer is hanging on strong this year.  Mid-September and we’re still enjoying days at the lake.  Unfortunately, it may be one of those days at the lake that caused a terrible infection in Mae’s ear, complete with swollen ear drum, throat, inner nose and fever.  I hate to see her in so much pain, but it did lead to us spending an entire day watching old movies that we love and I sure can’t complain about that!

Work is going good.  I got hired on as a permanent, full-time employee.  The best part of that statement is that “full-time” is really just part-time hours with really good (FREE) benefits.  I don’t get them yet, but in seven short months, I will no longer have to explain that we are, “in between insurances right now, so self-pay.”  However, I would like to take this opportunity to show you some numbers:

Amount I paid for health insurance at LPS:  $520.00/month

In the four months since I left, we have taken each child to the doctor once, which is about average.  We paid $129.00 per visit, then $10.00 for Kyler’s prescription and $45.00 for Mae’s, totaling $313.00.  See where I’m going with this?  If you take the $520 x 4 months and subtract what we’ve self-paid, we have actually saved $1767.00.  And when we did go the the doctor with insurance, they paid out only $11.00 towards our visit.  ELEVEN DOLLARS.  If you ever want me to get really, really angry, just ask me how I feel about health insurance.  It sounds way nicer typed out than I would explain it in person.

So where was I?  Oh yeah.  Work is good but I do have one problem.  I haven’t yet found a spokesperson.  Most of you don’t need one, but I do.  Since the day I began talking, nobody could hear me.  As a toddler, I would quietly mumble, “isweepyneedcawwiedbed” and one of my sisters would find the nearest adult and promptly announce, “Mo’s tired.  She wants carried to bed.”  Since my sister’s were always around, I never felt the need to speak loudly and therefore, never got the proper practice.  I usually work a couple weeks at a job, quietly mumbling to myself, until someone comes along and hears me.  And then they talk to me.  And then they talk for me.  It’s always a glorious day for me.  But I have been at UPS for two months now and I’m worried I won’t find this person.  I work at the end of the line all by myself.  The closest person to me is...dare I say it?  Quieter than me.  I don’t even know what his voice sounds like.  I’m not even one hundred percent sure that I’m calling him by the correct name.  And it’s so loud in there that everyone else has to yell to be heard but I physically can’t do that.  My voice does not get louder than it is, even if I’m really mad or actually dying.  So I guess I’ll just keep on keepin’ on.  My boss loves me because I never complain.  (I do complain; he just can’t hear me).  And my co-workers think I’m pretty great because I show up on time, work hard and then go home.  The whole time expressing all of my concerns about the dangers of this job and things that need to be immediately fixed...but never heard.  At least I don’t have to be quietly angry over the health insurance plan anymore.

Kenny is one good digging day away from being done with the tornado shelter foundation.  We took a time-out last Saturday to do all the yard work that we have been neglecting in exchange for digging time.  4 Bigley’s x 3 hours = damn, woodja’ look at that yard?  We even cleared out the fire pit, gathered some wood, invited brother and his wifey over and had some s’mores and beers around the fire.

As we all headed indoors at the end of the night, happy, full and maybe a little drunk (except the kids), we had to take a moment to appreciate all we have.  There is still no back porch.  We don’t live in a mansion.  Our neighbor is clinically insane.  But we’ve got a happy family, lots of laughter, a piece of land to build our dreams (though, very slowly) on and gosh darn it, I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else.

This Is Who I Am Now

A woman in her late thirties is walking down a public street wearing a dirty shirt and jean shorts with a huge tear on the front of them.  What is covering the tear?  To make matters worse, she is pushing a shopping cart filled with clothes and Christmas items in August.  As she rounds the corner, an article of clothing threatens to jump out of the cart, so the woman lunges forward to save it, thus tipping the entire cart over and spilling all of the contents.

It’s me.  I’m the woman.  It happened today.  I immediately thought, where did my life go wrong?  But let me explain...

I got up at 4am and happily went off to work.  I’m used to my job now so it’s not as fun, but I still don’t dread going to work.  Anyway, an hour in, I caught my shorts on a piece of metal that ripped them right across the front of my right leg.  I could see that the dangling cloth would cause even more problems so I used the only tool I had available: packing tape.  Not pretty, but effective.

After work, I headed downtown because I knew there was a bag sale at my favorite thrift shop.  Yes, I’m still making money online.  I parked several blocks away because it was a beautiful morning and I wanted to go for a walk.  I didn’t consider how much stuff I would buy or how I would get it back to my car.  So this is how I ended up in Paragraph One of today’s blog.  There are so many things that can go wrong on any given day.  A spilled shopping cart is certainly not going to ruin my morning.  I picked myself up, along with my ninety-one shirts and my six Christmas stockings and my stuffed 1963 Snoopy doll and my hurt pride.  I held my head high and readjusted my packing tape.  I laughed a little because even in that very moment, I was happier than I was three months or three years ago.  Life is so weird.

And now, we are nearly to September.  I will happily bid farewell to August, aka The Expensivest Month.  School supplies.  School clothes. School pictures.  School fees.  Lunch money.  Softball gear.  Our wedding anniversary.  Mae’s birthday.  Kenny’s Jeep broke down.  Kyler’s Mitsubishi broke down.  Kyler’s Mitsubishi broke down again.  The Financial Gods really tested us this month and we barely passed.  D-, I’d say.

Work on the tornado shelter is slow.  We’ve almost got the foundation all dug up, but the rain keeps delaying progress.  We thought we’d be done by now.  Instead, we’ve barely begun!  Kenny says if we happen to have a tornado, we can all just jump into the foundation hole.  We’ve survived our first nine years here by just sleeping through any storm warnings, so we’ll probably just continue to do that.

School is back in session and the kids are busy.  Kyler’s vehicle is sitting in the driveway and the parts to fix it are sitting on our kitchen counter.  This means that I have to drive both kids everywhere.  And everywhere is a lot of places!  It also interrupts the concerts I perform daily in my ‘eBay room’ while taking pictures and listing stuff.  Also, naps.  I take naps now.  And read books!  I did find it quite funny when a nap was interrupted a couple weeks ago because the UPS guy was knocking at my door.  I didn’t answer.  I don’t normally care what people think of me, but this is my co-worker now and I was wearing my Beavis and Butthead ‘Nachos Rule’ pajama pants, so...

Seems like this is a good place to end this.  I’ve got ninety-one shirts to wash and a concert to perform.  Busy day.  I hope life finds you well.  All two of you that read this (hi, Mom!).

Crappy Diem

When I was in middle school, the kid that sat next to me in English class was so inspired by the phrase 'Carpe Diem' that he decided to write it on the paper bag cover of his English book.  Except, he wasn't a strong speller, so what he actually wrote was:  Crape Diem.  Every time I saw it, I thought to myself: Crappy Diem; seize the shitty day.  And quite honestly, that is pretty fitting.

I missed work this morning because my boss said he would text me between 4:30 and 5am if I was needed.  Instead, the text came in at 5:38 (zoom in on face shot of me sleeping) and I was expected to be there in 30 minutes (which is how long it takes me to drive there).

It bugged me...for about one minute.  Then, I realized that I'd done nothing wrong and there is no reason for me to worry about it.  I brewed a pot of coffee, turned the music up loud and danced around the kitchen with Kenny in between him getting ready for work and me doing the dishes.  And that's that.  If my boss texts me at 5:38 tomorrow, I will probably be asleep then, too.

Kyler is on an amazing hiking trip in Idaho with my brother.  He is supposed to come back a man.  I snapped a photo of him before he left and when he asked why, I said, "This is your before-man photo.  I'll take another when you get home for comparison."  Then Mae also took a picture of him and said, "In case you die, I'll have the last picture ever taken of you."  Ah, sibling love.  We are all excited for him to come home and tell us of his great adventure (probably in two sentences or less) and see his fully grown beard and new facial scars.  At least that's what I'm expecting.

Kyler in Idaho.

Kyler sends a daily request for photos of his pets. Admittedly, I have wasted hours taking pictures this week.

With Kyler gone and Kenny at work all day, Mae and I have been finding fun stuff to do.  For example, we did over four hours of yard work on Monday.  Seriously, we LOVE this stuff.  When we're both outside working together, we just keep coming up with more and more ideas.  We don't quit working until we are hunched over with back pain, have multiple slivers stuck into our arms and blisters are forming on our hands.  It's really a beautiful thing.

The product of a whole lot of yard work.

Calling all porch-sitters:  our porch is ready to be sat on.

• And now, this brave mom must wake the Sleeping Teenage Beauty from her slumber, armed with breakfast and pepper spray (just in case things turn ugly).  I hope everybody reading this finds a way to seize the shitty day!

My new workout plan is in full swing.

I got called in to work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  Here is an overview of the evening shift:  it's like helping your friend move on a hot day.  Except they have 1,000 boxes.  And they move every day.  Instead of bringing pizza and beer, they direct deposit money into your account next Friday.  Strange friend.

But seriously, I love it.  It is the BEST workout plan I've found.  The mechanic is housed in the same area and plays good music, while the supervisor declares mandatory popsicle breaks.  And as a bonus, I will probably look like this in a month or so:

Okay, that was supposed to be funny but is actually traumatic.  That is my face on the photo.  Why does it look so natural?  Guess I better go cut my hair and find some bronzer...

Life after vacation

We've been back from vacation for two weeks now.  Fine, I'll unpack.

Vacation was perfect.  Kenny and I, along with the kids and nephew Max, drove to Colorado for a couple days, then on to Arizona for a few.  Next was Utah and then back to Colorado, finding fun all along the way.  Almost everything we did (besides eat and sleep in hotels) was free or costed a daily park pass fee.  And almost everything we did exceeded our expectations.  Every hotel check-in was smooth, we had zero car troubles and four of our five vacation crew were of legal age to drive, so it wasn't too much behind-the-wheel time for any of us.

Here are some vacation photos, so now it's like you basically went with us:

We took a selfie in a cave.  Without a selfie stick.  And it only took one try.  Biggest miracle of the trip!
  

This was at the first gas station we stopped at in CO.  Kenny took one look at it, said, "Nope, we're going somewhere else," and turned the car around.

These are out of order.  Back to the caves and the things Kenny made us climb into...

Bishop Castle, Pueblo, CO

We'll title this 'The Long Walk Back.'

4 Bigley's in 4 states. If you look closely, you will see that Mae is in ALL of the states.  Overachiever!

This is where we spent Kyler's 16th birthday.

Making friends in Winslow.

Mae at the Grand Canyon.  She spent much of the trip trying to give me a heart attack.

And now back to reality.  Good news: I got the job I wanted.  I am the newest Preloader at UPS.  The supervisor called me on Kyler's birthday for a second interview.  This is how I learned that I have better phone reception standing in a canyon in rural Arizona than I have at my own house.  Or driveway.  Or really anywhere in Nebraska. 

I am on-call for this week.  Thanks to Amazon deeming this 'Prime Week', they are simply too busy to train me.  I did get a shift Thursday so I guess that will be my official first day, unless they call me in sooner.  The job has been described to me as "a 4-hour workout that you get paid for."  Normally, I would be ecstatic about that, but the way I've been living my life this summer (eat EVERYTHING, run NEVER) has me worried that I will just fall over dead.  Guess there's only one way to find out!  If I never blog again, you will know what the outcome was.

Let’s go ahead and skip the apologies for not blogging for the past few years because I will probably do it again.  Get used to it.

Life has changed again.  In a good way.  In the best way.  Here’s how:  I discovered that I have severe anxiety, which is what I get for making fun of Mae’s dog all of these years (though, I will not be joining him in chewing up the couch or eating shoes anytime soon).

I know, it doesn’t sound good, but it has prompted me to pursue paths I would normally not have taken.  I suppose I should back up a bit since my last blog post has me sitting at 911.  Well, I quit.  Too many 16-hour shifts for my liking.  I got a job at LPS as a Payroll Secretary.  I stayed on part-time at 911 until the beginning of this year, at which point I felt like I didn’t know what was going on there anymore so I quit again (yes, twice in a year’s time).  Welp, as it turns out, I hated being a Payroll Secretary.  That job title translates into: most tedious, boring job that ever did exist.  So I quit that job, too.  Quitting is really easy if you want to do it.  You just email your boss and say, “I quit.”

Now that you’re all caught up on my work life, here are some of the good things that have happened in the past couple of months:

-This.  I have time to write again.
-I played the role of ‘Amanda from the College of College’ for Mae’s school skit.
-I have single-handedly undone years of neglect to my gardens.
-More people have visited me in the last 60 days than in the past couple years combined.  I have also done a lot of visiting; I know it’s a 2-way street.  Want a visit?  Hit me up!
-I have grown my eBay business from pocket change to an almost equal income as my last job.
-My house is clean, though I still have Messy-house PTSD and panic when people show up.  It’ll take some getting used to.
-Our pets are happier.
-Our kids are happier.
-I am happier.
-I am happier

Had to put that last one in twice because it just feels good to type.

I’m not sure what events had to take place and in what order exactly to prompt an emergency visit to my doctor’s office back in May.  It could really be any number of traumatic things that have happened in my life.  What I do know for sure is that I don’t like working for someone else.  Believe it or not, I am an excellent boss.  In fact, the most excellent boss I’ve ever had.  There is no dress code, the hours are flexible and the pay is dependent on the amount of work put in.  I have worked too many jobs for too many years that required me to continually work harder while receiving the same pay.  **Disclaimer: 911 is null and void from the previous statement.  I loved that job and they actually paid me accordingly.**

So, forward I tumble as I try to learn what does and doesn’t sell and when and how and why.  I am, sadly, seeking part-time employment until my income becomes more reliable.  I had the strangest job interview this morning and I’m really hoping they hire me.  I have yet to interview for a job and not get it, minus ‘The One’ (Runza, age 15).  Wish me luck!  Or don’t.  I won’t know either way.

I suppose I should throw in an update on the other Bigley’s since this is a blog about my family.  Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!  Mae is now a sophomore (gasp!) and she is spending her summer lifting weights, reading, teaching herself to play the trumpet and guitar, helping me with eBay stuff, mowing the yard and really doing anything and everything she can possibly find to do.  Yeah, she’s a go-getter.  Kyler is spending his summer doing none of that stuff except lifting weights.  We’ve found that we can get him to come out of his room by softly whispering, “Wanna go swimming?”  or “I have Oreos”.  Kenny is working and planning some big stuff for the house.  We are gearing up for a fantastic vacation but upon returning home, we will embark on building our first tornado shelter.  By ourselves.  Together.  Thoughts and prayers, please.

I'll end this with a couple other things you missed out of during my dry-blog era.

Kenny started a fire:

Artie became a diva:

Now you're all caught up and I'm going on vacation.

Keep on Keepin' On

Somehow another five months have passed with no posts.  Sorry.  It has everything to do with working outside of the home.  I have adult interaction now and I'll never go back.

I've over a year of experience answering the 911 phones and here's what's happened: I've aided in the delivery of three (THREE!) babies, I've been the last person that somebody has talked to before dying and I know every person that should be avoided at all costs in the entire county.  And hey, remember how scared I was of getting my first CPR call?  Yeah, I've moved on from that.  I've taken more CPR calls in the last year than any other employee (I know, my supervisor told me so).  While my two most-used nicknames at work are 'Firestarter' and 'Black Angel of Death', my co-workers have to admit that it's always a fun time when I'm there.  Or at least busy.  And traumatizing.  Starting next week, I am officially Law Enforcement training.  Movin' on up!  But please don't turn on your scanners to listen to me until I've had some experience.  And by experience, I mean until I'm done making a complete ass of myself. 

Since I last blogged, summer happened.  I don't really remember it and I'm pretty sure I was gypped somewhere in the process.  We did get to take a family vacation this year and we spent a whole lot of time at the swimming pool, but it really seems like the entire summer lasted two days. 



Mae can fly!



Kyler fishes in a very dramatic way

Family vacation was Colorado.  In my constant effort at making my children responsible, I made them pack their own suitcases.  I told them ONLY the necessities: clothes, toothbrushes, money, cameras.  After driving the "back way" through the night (my brilliant idea that nearly landed us deceased several times due to dark hillbilly highways flooded with deer), we arrived, exhausted, at our hotel at 8am.  I was shuffling all the paperwork and pamphlets together that the hotel clerk gave me when I muttered under my breath, "He could have at least stapled them."  Mae, who was cheerily unpacking her suitcase, proclaimed, "I have a stapler you can use!"  When I turned to ask why in the world she would have a stapler, I noticed that she was hanging her dream catcher above her bed that was lined with stuffed animals.  Only the necessities...

For five days, we spent time in Colorado Springs and Manitou Springs and completely fell in love with both...to the point that Kenny was checking out the prices of housing and inquiring about jobs at nearly every place we visited.  We hiked through Garden of the Gods three times, ATV'd over a mountain and took a train ride to the top of Pike's Peak.  We slept like the dead every single night.  One night, we ate dinner at a sit-in restaurant and Kyler was so tired that when the waitress asked how he would like his burger done, he replied, "Over easy."  And now he'll never live that down. 

Our drive home seemed much simpler since we took the interstate, like we should have done in the first place.  You just don't appreciate home like you should until you leave for a while.  For me, it's one day.  I get homesick so quickly that it's embarrassing.  And now that I get to leave the house nearly every day and have social interaction (remember, from the first paragraph?), I just don't ever feel the need to leave home unless I'm taking the kids to the park or the library.  Those are safe places that feel like home. 

Now, school is back in session (sad mom-face).  There's a new app that lets me see exactly what the kids are doing in school, what grades they receive on each assignment and how much money is in their lunch account.  It is updated daily.  Kyler is not liking this new app, as I am constantly telling him which classes he needs to study for and where he needs to improve.  Mae, on the other hand, is loving it, every day opening it and saying something like, "Hmm, STILL all A's." 

I've decided that it's either time to clean the house or time to take a nap.  Bet you'll never guess which one I'm pulling for.  Either way, I'm done with this post.  I feel like I've left a lot out but I'm just not used to functioning during the day.  Hopefully I'll be back on here before winter!

Springing right along...

Spring is here and I'm hungry for life.  I have a yearning within me that I've felt several times before in my life, but never so strongly.  I want to learn more, know more, see more, do more, be more.  I see people that make me so sad simply because they've quit wanting things.  They let the world push them around and it is evident in the way that they carry themselves.  You're alive; please know this.  Take a deep breath, turn up the music and show the world your soul.

I have been planting more things in our yard and the outdoor projects are never ending.  Kenny and I will someday have our fairytale backyard, vibrant with colors and memories and we waste no time in our haste to get there. We rebuilt the fire pit yesterday.  Such a small sentence, such a tremendous job.  I am beyond sore, but looking outside and seeing our completed work instead of piles of bricks makes me happy.  Mae was our star helper, as usual, even making us a full picnic (without being told to) when she heard our tummies rumbling.  Kyler helped for about three minutes, then spent the remainder of the day jumping on the trampoline and telling us we were doing a good job every so often.  He might make a great supervisor some day. 

The kids continue growing and I will never quit being so proud of them.  Proud when they learned to pick up a cheerio, tied their first shoe, flew their first kite...but it's different now.  They're doing things that I don't teach them.  They have all these ideas and wants and I just couldn't ask for anything more from them.  I mean, except for clean rooms, but I'll take the mess in exchange for a full heart.

 Work is good, minus Saturdays.  I've yet to have a good Saturday.  People are just more dramatic and angry on Saturdays and the only thing I can find to blame for this is alcohol.  But it is what it is and I suppose that ignorance is job security.  Aside from this, my co-workers are incredibly hilarious. I've decided that must be one of the unspoken requirements of the job as there is not a single person that works with me that doesn't have a disgustingly sick sense of humor.  It is really the only thing that keeps me sane some days.  And remembering back, there was a lot of laughter during my interview so it all makes sense.

I'll end this now.  I'm spending the evening with my sister, visiting an old friend.  Well, she's not "old" but I've known her longer than I've known Kenny and that is solely how I decide if a friend is old or new.  If I knew you before Kenny and we still visit, you are very important to me.  There are really only about five of you.  I used to be so good at keeping in touch but I've completely lost that ability over the last five years, so thank goodness for persuasive sisters who remind me that one of life's greatest gifts is road trips with people you love that lead to other people you love.  I wish anybody reading this a beautiful day.  May your music be loud!  

Bring On The Monday...I Guess.

The kids had school today, which turned out to be a shock to my system as I was fully expecting to sleep in and have a leisurely day at my own pace.  Instead, two kids came screaming into my room at seven o'clock this morning and both began jumping on my bed, which excited the dogs into a fit of barking and also trying to jump on my bed.  This is my usual wake-up call and if I'm expecting it, it only shaves a few months off of my life.  But unexpected?  I'll be dead by 40.  We played our usual Monday-morning game of 'Find Kyler's Glasses' (I won) and then everybody laughs at Mom (except Mom) because she's wearing jammies with dress shoes and Dad's hat to drive the kids to school in.  Hey, whatever jumps in front of me is what I wear on days like these.  And then they were off to school and the thought of a good night's sleep was a thing of the past.  I had groceries to buy, a house to clean and a blog to keep up with!

For the past few days, Kyler and Mae have both been working out with me.  A mind-snapshot from yesterday: Kyler was sprinting on the treadmill while Mae and I were both lifting weights, counting in unison, when out of nowhere, we all busted out in a fit of laughter at the same time.  We have no idea why this happened but I want to make sure I remember it, and now it's in stone (or at least encrypted on my computer).  These kids of mine are surprisingly motivational.  I tried doing tae bo when they were about three and four years old.  About halfway through the video, I angrily shut it off because both kids began whining about being bored the second I started, even when I stayed calm and tried to get them involved.  They sure have come a long way!  I even decided that we should make our own workout video...why are there no "family workouts" out there?  Unless there are and I just don't know about them.  It's a brilliant idea either way.

We have booked our Colorado motel and after much research on zip-lining, we decided it's a no-go.  Last time we were in Colorado, Kenny got extreme altitude sickness after forcing me to the top of Pike's Peak.  While I call this karma, he has forever written off climbing to the tops of any mountains, and that includes zip-lining from one to the next.  However, we did book an ATV trip that we're all very excited about.

Work update: Now that I'm fire-qualified, I am headed back to third shift.  I was so excited to try my hand at second shift, where people sleep at night and all the fun calls happen when I'm actually at work, but now that I've tried it, I'm happy to be going back to nights.  Being busy does make the time go faster, but it is putting quite a damper on my book-reading and that's important.  I also enjoy the laidbackedness (new word!) of third shift, where an insult is not really an insult and if you do something wrong, you will get cursed at in a fun-loving way.  I am totally serious.  Maybe you have to be there to understand.

Wishing happiness to all, and if you feel down about the cold weather, just think of all the mosquitoes that aren't biting you and the lawn you don't have to mow.

2015: Rockin' it so far

A week ago, it was sunny and sixty degrees and today we're smothered by seven inches of snow, with more in the forecast.  All I have to say about this is, "I told you so!"  Well, if I've seen you in person, I told you so.  It's the typical January pattern.  Mother Earth is saying, "Look how wonderful I can be!" and then somebody didn't do the dishes or she ran out of coffee or something and this is the resulted backlash.  I'm proud to report that the minivan is a beast in the snow.  The neighbor got their car stuck right in the middle of the lane this morning.  Knowing that failure to make it to the school would result in yet another day of kids being home (I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids), I put the pedal to the metal and we plowed right around that car, and uphill!  Now, here I sit, peacefully alone with an entire day all to myself stretched out before me. 

We are excitedly planning a May trip to Colorado Springs.  Mae and I have chosen the hotel while Kenny and Kyler have decided on Garden of the Gods, cave dwellings, a ghost town and a dinosaur museum with paleontologists on site digging out an actual dinosaur (every time this is brought up to Kyler, he drifts off into a minutes-long space-stare with a big smile on his face).  We are also toying with the idea of zip-lining but knowing what cowards Kyler and I can be when faced with any sort of heights (even a rooftop), I'm not gonna pay up in advance.  If you've already visited, we are fully open to more suggestions as we plan to be there for five days.

Work is good.  Better than good, actually.  I began fire training on January 2nd and I will admit that I was terrified.  Calltake was no easy task to learn but I was comfortable with it and worried that I wouldn't take to working with firefighters and paramedics quite as well.  Turns out I was waaaay wrong.  I LOVE it.  Most people aren't lucky enough to get an actual "working" fire during training.  I got one on my first day, then another, then another.  When the building downtown burned to the ground on Saturday, I even got to walk down and see it since it was only two blocks from the dispatch center.  I gotta say that it was pretty cool to walk right through the news crews who had been standing in the cold waiting for the Chief (who was sitting in his truck) to do an interview, only to have the Chief roll down his window and say, "Hey!  Hop on in, I'll show you what we do here!"  It was exciting and educational to see how things work on the other end of the radio. 

This is why they also sent me for a seven-hour ride-along with Lincoln Fire and Rescue.  They told me to keep my expectations low as most ride-alongs aren't nearly as exciting as one would expect.  Other dispatchers told me they got to go on one call and it wasn't even an exciting one.  When I showed up at the station, this seemed accurate.  There were only two paramedics in the whole place and nothing was happening.  A little over an hour in, they got a call and I took my very first ambulance ride.  Turned out they got called off of it so they took me to their station's engine, which was just finishing up training.  So then I took my very first engine ride (it was AWESOME) and we went on a medical call.  After that, we went back to the station where hamburgers were grilled and everybody sat together and ate.  I absolutely loved all of the practical joking that was happening, which I suppose is necessary when you have to live with a whole group of people for twenty-four hours straight every other day.  Like magic, as soon as we finished eating, we got called out on a fire alarm, so I got to take my first truck ride!  Also AWESOME!  It was about this time that I decided Kenny has missed his calling.  He should definitely be a fire truck driver, as he already drives exactly like one except when he does it, it's illegal.  So, the fire alarm was pretty boring and when it was over and we were en route to the fire station once again, we got called out to a fatality accident.  It was then that I decided I could NEVER be a firefighter or a paramedic.  When I went back to work, I suddenly felt so safe.  Hearing tragedy over the phone can be traumatic, but seeing it first-hand is nauseating. 

And now, as soon as it is signed off by the big dogs, I am fully fire trained!  Can't wait to see what I get to learn next!  I've never had a job where I've felt that I fit in so well.  If ever I say something shocking and inappropriate (which I do often), my co-workers either reply with a good belly-laugh or by saying something equally as shocking and inappropriate.  I've never felt more myself.  I know in an earlier blog I posted that I was just waiting for them to figure out who I really am, at which point I planned to be shoved away, but I think I've found a whole group of people who actually get me.  I suppose it makes sense, considering the multitude of personality tests we had to take to get the job.  I don't mean to worry you, but just consider it: a whole room of ME's!  And we're in charge of keeping the public safe!  Scared yet?

Enough about me.  Kenny has started a job at the retirement home in Adams.  Kenny + old people = happiness all around.  I've honestly never seen him so at peace.  We were talking a couple days ago about work and it suddenly dawned on me that for the first time ever, we both like our jobs.  It makes a whole world of difference in your everyday attitude.  If you don't like your job, I promise there's one out there that you'll love.  I spent way too many years in a job just because I was too worried that I would like a different job even less.  But it turns out, if you do happen to like another job less, you can quit that one, too. 

I'll end this now as it is getting rather long.  I hope this cold weather finds everybody well and that none of you have to call me at work!

Zooming right into the future...2015, here we come!

Christmas was a big hit, except the dog ate my stocking.  Seriously, my whole stocking, consisting of much dark chocolate.  She walked around for an entire day shaking and falling down.  It was terrifying.  I'm happy to report that by day two, she was back to her old self.  And by that, I mean she barfed chocolate chunks up all over the carpet and then ate the contents of the kitchen trash can.  Or maybe I'm not happy to report that, but I sure am glad that we're not digging a doggy grave amid the hamster graveyard by the garage.  As disgusting as she is, I prefer my dog alive.  And she probably doesn't think I'm a ray of sunshine either, so you have to feel some sort of sorry for her since she can't even tell me I'm annoying or plug her ears when I talk.  She simply puts up with me without complaint. 

Heading into the New Year, I refuse to be shocked by January as I have every year of my life so far.  The thrill of the holidays gets to my head and life seems so happy and exciting.  I'm led to believe that by making resolutions and setting goals, everything will fall right into place beginning January 1st, but then it gets here and it's only dark and cold and depressing.  This year, I will work into my resolutions solitude and dreariness.  Window scrapers, winter weight and such cold that my brain actually shudders when I walk out the door are the reality.  I will get to a point, as I have several times, that I will actually be searching online for jobs and houses in a warmer climate.  Right when I'm at my breaking point and simply can't handle the cold any longer, springtime will show up and I will completely forget about winter for the next six brilliant months.

I do get to start the work year out in training, learning all about fire and when to send which ambulance where, so that's a major plus.  The amount of stuff that I will eventually learn in my job is overwhelming when I step back and look at it all together, so I'm thankful that everything is spread out over months, maybe even years, to give my brain the correct amount of time to soak everything in.  I've yet to endure a single day that I haven't learned something new...usually multiple somethings.  I've also yet to find a day that I'm not happy to go to work.  (But I'm still happier to come home).

Happy New Year to YOU, may you be happy, healthy and unafraid to LIVE!  I mean, come springtime, when life's actually worth living.   In the meantime, drive safely and sleep as much as possible.

I know how to sew? And build? How'd that happen?!

My job wreaked havoc on my mind last night.  By the time I came crashing sideways through the front door this morning, the only thing I could think to say to Kenny was, "My mental is exhausted."  I must have looked just as sorry and helpless as I felt because without a single word, he hugged me for a long time and then asked how many people I talked out of killing themselves last night.  I said, "Well, one, but..." and he cut me off right then and said, "Focus on that.  You saved someone's life."  And I said, "Well, I don't know if I really..." and he said, "YOU DID."  And then Mae piped up and said, "Mom, it's SO cool that you do that.  I bet it feels really good."  And darn it, she's right.  And he's right.  And forget everything else, life is great.

To top it all off, it's Sunday, my sole mutual day off as the kids.  Not wanting to waste my day away sleeping or sulking, I pumped myself full of caffeine, pulled out the Christmas decorations, turned up the music and had a merry and perfect day with little Miss Mae.  The boys went out and left us to our decorating fun.  (They acted like they were being nice in giving us this opportunity without them, but I'm no fool.  I saw the same look of terror in both of their eyes as they looked over the boxes of decorations while slowly backing toward the door and announcing that they needed haircuts [which I have been trying to force them into for the past three weeks]).  Mae and I stood in the window waving them good-bye and as they drove out of sight, we high-fived each other before nose-diving into our wonderful day together.  Our house is now fully prepared to take on the holiday season.

Tomorrow is 'Secret Monday'.  This is something Kenny and I started last week.  Upon hearing that the average parent spends approximately $600 on EACH kid at Christmas, we first laughed at all those silly 'average' parents.  Then, we came to the sad realization that we fall exactly into that category and that's just beyond ridiculous.  We decided to let the kids each choose only one gift.  They don't know it yet, but the remainder of their presents will be the production of our 'Secret Monday' experiments.  We decided that using only things we have around the house/garage, we will make them gifts.  And quite honestly, neither of us were all too excited about this idea.  However, we simply don't have $1200.00 to spare this year and if we did, I can think of so many better things to spend it on than toys that hold our children's attention for two whole hours before they're old news.

I began an internet search on DIY projects and in no time, had concocted a list of great ideas.  We found ourselves surprisingly inspired.  Last Monday, we built Mae a balance beam and I sewed her an apron.  The apron turned out about one thousand times better than I expected, considering my sewing history includes only one sixth grade home economics class.  Tomorrow, combining Kenny's great outdoorsman skills and my new-found sewing ability, we will erect a teepee for Kyler's room.  And if time allows, there will be two freshly painted tire swings under the tree (except I sort of cheated and purchased spray paint because the stuff we had in the garage was frozen and not very colorful).  Next Monday will be game-creation day.  And the Monday after that, we will be slaughtering our own cows and building soddys.  Or maybe I'm jumping the gun a little.  It's just that the first two gifts have turned out so great that I'm feeling a bit unstoppable.

Happy, happy, merry, merry.  Try creativity and maybe you'll surprise yourself, too!

More questions than answers, as usual.

You know that annoying list of unimportant things that everybody plans to accomplish but never does?  Framing and hanging pictures, cleaning out the junk drawer, organizing the cupboards, etc?  I have completed nearly my entire list today, and it's barely past noon.  I even planted flowers, cleaned the whole house, baked, won movie  tickets off of the radio and drank beer.  I've no idea what's gotten into me but it might have something to do with being left home alone all day.  We all know how terribly afraid I am of myself, so all of this do-gooding is really just a distraction, like if I keep myself busy enough, I won't realize that I'm alone with myself.

 Not that it's a new discovery, but I must throw out there exactly how much I love my family.  Yesterday was my second Sunday off in months, and I have been overwhelmingly content at how many family members I've had the luxury of spending time with.  I know how lucky I am.

Work continues to go well.  I mean, mostly.  I will admit that some days are terrible and I wonder if I'm actually doing any good, but then I get a call from somebody that truly needs real help and my natural ability to stay calm kicks in.  I fully attribute this to my mother.  While giving CPR instructions or controlling a hemmorhage, my brain is saying, "FUUUUUCCKKK!!!" but somehow, my voice is saying, "We'll get through this together.  Now is no time to panic."  It's still shocking to me to hang up the phone after sending Starcare to a multiple-vehicle car accident, only to answer the next call and hear somebody angrily complaining that, "Somebody is parked in a no parking zone!"  Oh dear God, NO!  That's TERRIBLE!!  But I'm not allowed to say that.  I'm also not allowed to tell people to get a life.  I am, however, allowed to repeat everything they say in question form in an effort to make them realize that their complaint is unfounded.  Quite often, upon realization of this, they'll simply sigh and say, "Never mind" and hang up the phone.

A new development:  Every time I sneeze, my left eye has a muscle spasm.  Maybe I should be worried, but I think it's hilarious.  I made the mistake of pointing it out to Kenny.  Now, every time I sneeze, I begin to laugh until I catch him looking at me with a very concerned look.  I'm sure it's just a sign that I'm getting older, but he has no sense of humor when it comes to aging.  We are all going to get cancer and have heart attacks soon and he doesn't think it's funny at all.  I'm not sure what's wrong with him.


Another new development: my kids have gotten old.  Why didn't anybody tell me this would happen?  When I had babies, I felt certain that they would always just be babies.  But now, I'll look over at Kyler while playing video games and I'll ask quite honestly, "Who the heck are you?"  And he laughs because he thinks I'm joking, but really, who is this kid?  Where did he come from?  How did he get so tall and smart without me noticing?  I no longer educate my children.  They are constantly teaching me now.  They have a type of wonder instilled in them that I was not born with.  They know so much about so much and I'm just stumbling through this life without inquisition, just happy to learn whatever is offered me and joyful that the sun is out or it's time to put the Christmas tree up or it's my day off work.  And Mae, while still my "difficult" child, completely impresses me with each new day.  She stands up for what she believes, even if it results in a very long, drawn-out argument.  I will give in, just to avoid the hassle, but she never backs down.  She will argue her opinion if it takes all day, all week, all year.  Where did she learn this?  And again, who are these kids?

Is it too early to claim dementia?  Or maybe I had head trauma that caused me to forget the past eight years or so.  Something had to have happened.  I certainly didn't get to the end of 2014 willingly or knowingly.  Sheesh, what year will it be tomorrow?

Know how I know it's cold outside?

I survived my first Halloween at the 911 Center and it wasn't as brutal as I'd mentally prepared myself for.  In fact, I read nineteen chapters in my book.  And here's what else happened:

I sat next to Supervisor for four of the twelve hours I worked.  About an hour in, two cops walked by right as I was inhaling a deep (and very agitated) breath and I said aloud to Supervisor, "They smell like cold.  It must be cold outside."  With his best you're-a-fucking-idiot look, he said, "It smells cold?  You can't smell cold."  I simply replied, "Yes I can.  I just did."  Supervisor asked, "And what does cold smell like?" Before thinking, I replied, "Just...cold."  Then, with a second thought and a good head-nod, I said,  "It smells below freezing."  Supervisor says, "Oh, and you can even smell how cold it is?"  And this look he was giving me was exactly how my fourth grade teacher always looked at me.  You have no idea what you're saying.  Your thinking isn't right.  You are confusing and odd. 

It was at this point that the two cops walked past us again and Supervisor pointed toward one while still looking at me and said, "Well, it can't be that cold out because he's wearing short sleeves."  As if he knew the whole conversation, Cop stopped and said, "Actually, I just took my coat off.  It's like twenty-six degrees outside."  Right.  And this was the end of the conversation.  Or so I thought...

An hour later, I grabbed an ice-cold soda out of the fridge as my break ended and headed back to my desk.  As I sat down, Supervisor cleared his throat in such a way that I knew he was trying to get my attention.  I looked toward him and with an overdose of sarcasm, he asked, "Can you smell how cold your soda is?"  I gave him a very quizzical look and asked, "Why would I do that when I can feel how cold it is?" And this was the real end of the conversation.  For the remainder of our night together, Supervisor would look over at me every so often and slowly shake his head.  His thoughts were so obvious that it was almost like reading a book.  I have given up on you.  There is no hope for you.

This happens to me a lot.  I'm mostly just surprised that it took three whole months before somebody figured me out.  I always feel like a fraud when people talk to me like I'm a normal person who thinks normal thoughts and lives in a normal house and leads a normal life.  If I try to explain to new people that none of this is true, they just laugh and say something like, "There's no such thing as normal!"  And thank goodness for that, I suppose.  But they just don't understand until one day, they suddenly do and they look at me like I've purposely been trying to fool them and I'm just like, "I warned you!"
It is now time to drive my normal car to my normal job where I can smell the cold and read books.  If using my senses makes me look senseless, oh well.  At least I know when to put on a jacket before I step outside.  (P.S, - put your coat on before you go outside; it's cold).

"Saturday."

Today is Wednesday, but it's my Saturday.  I woke up at 6am, helped the kids prepare for school, then dropped them off at the school bus.  As I was driving back down the driveway, I wondered what husband had planned for the day.  I remembered back to last week, when I had four days off in a row and I was so excited about them, only to find out that I was to be Kenny's personal wheelbarrow bitch.  I hauled nearly thirty loads of dirt, followed by twenty loads of rocks.  Knowing that the walkway wasn't yet complete, I prepared myself for the worst.

After an entire pot of coffee, we headed outside.  Fortunately, the walkway was very near completion so all I had to do was haul bricks and bags of sand.  We were done by two o'clock and settled down on the couch for an hour of relaxation before we headed to retrieve the kids from school.

Kenny quickly swiped the remote from my hand and turned the channel to football, but not just any football: re-runs.  And not just any re-runs: re-runs that he's already seen, because sometimes football just isn't boring enough for him on the first go-round.  As is his habit (though I've never figured out why), he immediately began narrating the game to me, pausing it and occasionally turning it on slow-motion for effect.  I displayed my very best yawns and sighs and eventually resorted to nodding off, all of which were completely ignored by him.  At my point of desperation (three minutes in), I dramatically collapsed onto the floor in hopes that he would recognize my need for attention.  This is exactly when the announcer said something about a 'cornerback' and I laughed at the way he said 'quarterback'.  BIG mistake.  Apparently, those are actually two different positions, so this only encouraged Kenny to explain the positions of football to me for the 864th time.  Still on the floor, I threw myself into a series of violent convulsions so loudly that each time I paused, I could hear such things as, "Oh, let me rewind that, you HAVE to see that play again"...and..."Did you see that catch?  DID YOU SEE THAT CATCH?!!!"  I finally gave up and took a short nap right there on the floor.

Later in the day, after we'd picked the kids up from school, I decided to pay Kenny back via reverse psychology.  Here's the thing...I could ask him, "Honey, will you do the dishes?" and the answer would be a stern NO.  Or I could say, "Honey, if you do the dishes, I'll let you watch endless football until your dying day and never complain about it" and the answer would still be NO.  Or I could say, "Do you want to cook or do the dishes?" and the answer would be, "Dishes."  It's the strangest thing and I have no idea how it works, but I have found some sort of loophole in his brain's protocol that allows me to allocate this one chore to him that is almost his least favorite thing to do in the whole world...next to cooking.

So the house is clean, we're all fed and bathed and tomorrow is "Sunday."  While I would like to do Sunday activities, like drive really slowly down country roads with no destination or watch movies or do nothing at all, Kenny thinks we should build a bench to put next to the new walkway.  Maybe if I start convulsing in the middle of Menard's, he'll get the point.  But probably. it will just remind him of today's football and he'll try explaining the difference between cornerback and quarterback to me again.