Today is Wednesday, but it's my Saturday. I woke up at 6am, helped the kids prepare for school, then dropped them off at the school bus. As I was driving back down the driveway, I wondered what husband had planned for the day. I remembered back to last week, when I had four days off in a row and I was so excited about them, only to find out that I was to be Kenny's personal wheelbarrow bitch. I hauled nearly thirty loads of dirt, followed by twenty loads of rocks. Knowing that the walkway wasn't yet complete, I prepared myself for the worst.
After an entire pot of coffee, we headed outside. Fortunately, the walkway was very near completion so all I had to do was haul bricks and bags of sand. We were done by two o'clock and settled down on the couch for an hour of relaxation before we headed to retrieve the kids from school.
Kenny quickly swiped the remote from my hand and turned the channel to football, but not just any football: re-runs. And not just any re-runs: re-runs that he's already seen, because sometimes football just isn't boring enough for him on the first go-round. As is his habit (though I've never figured out why), he immediately began narrating the game to me, pausing it and occasionally turning it on slow-motion for effect. I displayed my very best yawns and sighs and eventually resorted to nodding off, all of which were completely ignored by him. At my point of desperation (three minutes in), I dramatically collapsed onto the floor in hopes that he would recognize my need for attention. This is exactly when the announcer said something about a 'cornerback' and I laughed at the way he said 'quarterback'. BIG mistake. Apparently, those are actually two different positions, so this only encouraged Kenny to explain the positions of football to me for the 864th time. Still on the floor, I threw myself into a series of violent convulsions so loudly that each time I paused, I could hear such things as, "Oh, let me rewind that, you HAVE to see that play again"...and..."Did you see that catch? DID YOU SEE THAT CATCH?!!!" I finally gave up and took a short nap right there on the floor.
Later in the day, after we'd picked the kids up from school, I decided to pay Kenny back via reverse psychology. Here's the thing...I could ask him, "Honey, will you do the dishes?" and the answer would be a stern NO. Or I could say, "Honey, if you do the dishes, I'll let you watch endless football until your dying day and never complain about it" and the answer would still be NO. Or I could say, "Do you want to cook or do the dishes?" and the answer would be, "Dishes." It's the strangest thing and I have no idea how it works, but I have found some sort of loophole in his brain's protocol that allows me to allocate this one chore to him that is almost his least favorite thing to do in the whole world...next to cooking.
So the house is clean, we're all fed and bathed and tomorrow is "Sunday." While I would like to do Sunday activities, like drive really slowly down country roads with no destination or watch movies or do nothing at all, Kenny thinks we should build a bench to put next to the new walkway. Maybe if I start convulsing in the middle of Menard's, he'll get the point. But probably. it will just remind him of today's football and he'll try explaining the difference between cornerback and quarterback to me again.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Where have I been?
I haven't blogged in such a long time and all I can do is put both hands in the air and say, "I dunno why." I suppose that after the book, I just didn't feel like broadcasting my life for everybody to read. But now I do. So I'll fill you in:
My last blog put me at the beginning of my job with Exmark, which will always be a time in my life that I cherish. I met the best people there. I had the most fun there. I learned to be me and anybody who worked there at the same time as I did can agree on one thing: we laughed every single day. But as much fun as I was having, this was never meant to be my career. It was exactly what the first day's paperwork outlined: a temporary job.
The jump from factory worker to emergency medical dispatcher was a pretty big one. You probably have no idea what being a 911 dispatcher actually entails. I didn't. We don't just answer emergency calls. We answer ALL calls. 1300 of them every day. If somebody wants to complain, we listen. If somebody feels scared, we help them. If somebody needs a phone number, we look it up. No matter how complex or simple the problem is, we figure out how to solve it. And we help save lives. And we keep track of every officer in the city and county. I can't explain all of the work that this actually entails, but please trust me that it is a very long and grueling process to learn. I am 1.5 months into a year-long (at least) training program. I have left work crying once (so far). They said this will happen multiple times. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm going to be awesome at this job someday, but for now it's just that: some day.
Reading that back, it sounds terrible. I still laugh every day. Just today, a nurse and a cop both laughed at me on separate calls, both sensing that I'm new and have only small clues as to what I'm doing. The nurse told me, "In a year, you'll know my voice." and the cop told me, "Stick with it, you have a good sense of humor." And...AND...I get to do ride-alongs with cops. And yes, it's even more fun than it sounds. I'm certain that I can't say what happened on my first ride-along, but it was definitely a welcomed break from answering phone calls.
Enough about work, let's talk about Bigley's. Kenny has settled back into his stay-at-home-Dad role seamlessly. We both absolutely love it. He has embarked on a number of home improvement projects while also brushing up on his geometry and spelling skills. I will not lie...I am NOT good at disciplining my children. Kenny, on the other hand, holds lifelong respect of all children within minutes of meeting them. I simply don't know how he does it, but I certainly am more than willing to step aside as our children mutate from sweet little innocents into tweens and, even scarier, teenagers. Kenny carries the ability to keep them in line while I could very likely swelter into a world of denial and looking the other way, huh? What? I know it's very likely that this is my biggest personal downfall but may I introduce to you the glory of marriage: my weaknesses are Kenny's strengths, and vice versa. He brings the discipline, I bring the fun. He cooks, I clean. He loves, I...wait, no, I love, too. You've gotta double up on the good stuff!
Kyler is in sixth grade. SIXTH. GRADE. He continues to play the trumpet and sail through school with all A's like it's no big deal at all. He is trading in wrestling for basketball this year and we've been spending much time at the library because there are just so few places that everybody loves being...but who doesn't love the library?
Mae is in fifth grade. This is only slightly less dramatic than SIXTH. GRADE. She has just started playing the saxophone and I can't even believe the awful sounds that she can make with that giant piece of metal. Did it sound that bad when I played it at her age? Did my mom ever want me to practice in the garage or maybe even a different state? Thanks to Kyler and his trumpet, I know that this is just a phase and that in no time, beautiful music will be streaming throughout our house...but these first couple of weeks are nearly enough to make me pop a tent in the back yard. Mae is also sailing through school work, overly upset with any paper she brings home that doesn't say 100% on it.
In case you're reading this and thinking it looks like a brag blog, here's some real and true stuff that has recently happened: 1) The cat puked all over the clean dishes this morning 2) I forgot that Kenny's putting in a new walkway and removed the stairs from the front porch, thus causing me to walk right off of it this morning in the dark (I'm okay) and 3) there is an opossum stuck in our trash barrel. Again. Kenny says to just leave him there until there's enough trash for him to climb out. I don't care who knows it...I like knowing that I can walk to check the mail without crossing paths with that ugly-looking thing (I'm a terrible person).
And now I'm holding my right hand in the air and solemnly promising to blog more than once every six months. I mean it. As always, thanks for reading. :)
My last blog put me at the beginning of my job with Exmark, which will always be a time in my life that I cherish. I met the best people there. I had the most fun there. I learned to be me and anybody who worked there at the same time as I did can agree on one thing: we laughed every single day. But as much fun as I was having, this was never meant to be my career. It was exactly what the first day's paperwork outlined: a temporary job.
The jump from factory worker to emergency medical dispatcher was a pretty big one. You probably have no idea what being a 911 dispatcher actually entails. I didn't. We don't just answer emergency calls. We answer ALL calls. 1300 of them every day. If somebody wants to complain, we listen. If somebody feels scared, we help them. If somebody needs a phone number, we look it up. No matter how complex or simple the problem is, we figure out how to solve it. And we help save lives. And we keep track of every officer in the city and county. I can't explain all of the work that this actually entails, but please trust me that it is a very long and grueling process to learn. I am 1.5 months into a year-long (at least) training program. I have left work crying once (so far). They said this will happen multiple times. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm going to be awesome at this job someday, but for now it's just that: some day.
Reading that back, it sounds terrible. I still laugh every day. Just today, a nurse and a cop both laughed at me on separate calls, both sensing that I'm new and have only small clues as to what I'm doing. The nurse told me, "In a year, you'll know my voice." and the cop told me, "Stick with it, you have a good sense of humor." And...AND...I get to do ride-alongs with cops. And yes, it's even more fun than it sounds. I'm certain that I can't say what happened on my first ride-along, but it was definitely a welcomed break from answering phone calls.
Enough about work, let's talk about Bigley's. Kenny has settled back into his stay-at-home-Dad role seamlessly. We both absolutely love it. He has embarked on a number of home improvement projects while also brushing up on his geometry and spelling skills. I will not lie...I am NOT good at disciplining my children. Kenny, on the other hand, holds lifelong respect of all children within minutes of meeting them. I simply don't know how he does it, but I certainly am more than willing to step aside as our children mutate from sweet little innocents into tweens and, even scarier, teenagers. Kenny carries the ability to keep them in line while I could very likely swelter into a world of denial and looking the other way, huh? What? I know it's very likely that this is my biggest personal downfall but may I introduce to you the glory of marriage: my weaknesses are Kenny's strengths, and vice versa. He brings the discipline, I bring the fun. He cooks, I clean. He loves, I...wait, no, I love, too. You've gotta double up on the good stuff!
Kyler is in sixth grade. SIXTH. GRADE. He continues to play the trumpet and sail through school with all A's like it's no big deal at all. He is trading in wrestling for basketball this year and we've been spending much time at the library because there are just so few places that everybody loves being...but who doesn't love the library?
Mae is in fifth grade. This is only slightly less dramatic than SIXTH. GRADE. She has just started playing the saxophone and I can't even believe the awful sounds that she can make with that giant piece of metal. Did it sound that bad when I played it at her age? Did my mom ever want me to practice in the garage or maybe even a different state? Thanks to Kyler and his trumpet, I know that this is just a phase and that in no time, beautiful music will be streaming throughout our house...but these first couple of weeks are nearly enough to make me pop a tent in the back yard. Mae is also sailing through school work, overly upset with any paper she brings home that doesn't say 100% on it.
In case you're reading this and thinking it looks like a brag blog, here's some real and true stuff that has recently happened: 1) The cat puked all over the clean dishes this morning 2) I forgot that Kenny's putting in a new walkway and removed the stairs from the front porch, thus causing me to walk right off of it this morning in the dark (I'm okay) and 3) there is an opossum stuck in our trash barrel. Again. Kenny says to just leave him there until there's enough trash for him to climb out. I don't care who knows it...I like knowing that I can walk to check the mail without crossing paths with that ugly-looking thing (I'm a terrible person).
And now I'm holding my right hand in the air and solemnly promising to blog more than once every six months. I mean it. As always, thanks for reading. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)