Wanted: One Spokesperson

I’m happy to announce that summer is hanging on strong this year.  Mid-September and we’re still enjoying days at the lake.  Unfortunately, it may be one of those days at the lake that caused a terrible infection in Mae’s ear, complete with swollen ear drum, throat, inner nose and fever.  I hate to see her in so much pain, but it did lead to us spending an entire day watching old movies that we love and I sure can’t complain about that!

Work is going good.  I got hired on as a permanent, full-time employee.  The best part of that statement is that “full-time” is really just part-time hours with really good (FREE) benefits.  I don’t get them yet, but in seven short months, I will no longer have to explain that we are, “in between insurances right now, so self-pay.”  However, I would like to take this opportunity to show you some numbers:

Amount I paid for health insurance at LPS:  $520.00/month

In the four months since I left, we have taken each child to the doctor once, which is about average.  We paid $129.00 per visit, then $10.00 for Kyler’s prescription and $45.00 for Mae’s, totaling $313.00.  See where I’m going with this?  If you take the $520 x 4 months and subtract what we’ve self-paid, we have actually saved $1767.00.  And when we did go the the doctor with insurance, they paid out only $11.00 towards our visit.  ELEVEN DOLLARS.  If you ever want me to get really, really angry, just ask me how I feel about health insurance.  It sounds way nicer typed out than I would explain it in person.

So where was I?  Oh yeah.  Work is good but I do have one problem.  I haven’t yet found a spokesperson.  Most of you don’t need one, but I do.  Since the day I began talking, nobody could hear me.  As a toddler, I would quietly mumble, “isweepyneedcawwiedbed” and one of my sisters would find the nearest adult and promptly announce, “Mo’s tired.  She wants carried to bed.”  Since my sister’s were always around, I never felt the need to speak loudly and therefore, never got the proper practice.  I usually work a couple weeks at a job, quietly mumbling to myself, until someone comes along and hears me.  And then they talk to me.  And then they talk for me.  It’s always a glorious day for me.  But I have been at UPS for two months now and I’m worried I won’t find this person.  I work at the end of the line all by myself.  The closest person to me is...dare I say it?  Quieter than me.  I don’t even know what his voice sounds like.  I’m not even one hundred percent sure that I’m calling him by the correct name.  And it’s so loud in there that everyone else has to yell to be heard but I physically can’t do that.  My voice does not get louder than it is, even if I’m really mad or actually dying.  So I guess I’ll just keep on keepin’ on.  My boss loves me because I never complain.  (I do complain; he just can’t hear me).  And my co-workers think I’m pretty great because I show up on time, work hard and then go home.  The whole time expressing all of my concerns about the dangers of this job and things that need to be immediately fixed...but never heard.  At least I don’t have to be quietly angry over the health insurance plan anymore.

Kenny is one good digging day away from being done with the tornado shelter foundation.  We took a time-out last Saturday to do all the yard work that we have been neglecting in exchange for digging time.  4 Bigley’s x 3 hours = damn, woodja’ look at that yard?  We even cleared out the fire pit, gathered some wood, invited brother and his wifey over and had some s’mores and beers around the fire.

As we all headed indoors at the end of the night, happy, full and maybe a little drunk (except the kids), we had to take a moment to appreciate all we have.  There is still no back porch.  We don’t live in a mansion.  Our neighbor is clinically insane.  But we’ve got a happy family, lots of laughter, a piece of land to build our dreams (though, very slowly) on and gosh darn it, I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else.

This Is Who I Am Now

A woman in her late thirties is walking down a public street wearing a dirty shirt and jean shorts with a huge tear on the front of them.  What is covering the tear?  To make matters worse, she is pushing a shopping cart filled with clothes and Christmas items in August.  As she rounds the corner, an article of clothing threatens to jump out of the cart, so the woman lunges forward to save it, thus tipping the entire cart over and spilling all of the contents.

It’s me.  I’m the woman.  It happened today.  I immediately thought, where did my life go wrong?  But let me explain...

I got up at 4am and happily went off to work.  I’m used to my job now so it’s not as fun, but I still don’t dread going to work.  Anyway, an hour in, I caught my shorts on a piece of metal that ripped them right across the front of my right leg.  I could see that the dangling cloth would cause even more problems so I used the only tool I had available: packing tape.  Not pretty, but effective.

After work, I headed downtown because I knew there was a bag sale at my favorite thrift shop.  Yes, I’m still making money online.  I parked several blocks away because it was a beautiful morning and I wanted to go for a walk.  I didn’t consider how much stuff I would buy or how I would get it back to my car.  So this is how I ended up in Paragraph One of today’s blog.  There are so many things that can go wrong on any given day.  A spilled shopping cart is certainly not going to ruin my morning.  I picked myself up, along with my ninety-one shirts and my six Christmas stockings and my stuffed 1963 Snoopy doll and my hurt pride.  I held my head high and readjusted my packing tape.  I laughed a little because even in that very moment, I was happier than I was three months or three years ago.  Life is so weird.

And now, we are nearly to September.  I will happily bid farewell to August, aka The Expensivest Month.  School supplies.  School clothes. School pictures.  School fees.  Lunch money.  Softball gear.  Our wedding anniversary.  Mae’s birthday.  Kenny’s Jeep broke down.  Kyler’s Mitsubishi broke down.  Kyler’s Mitsubishi broke down again.  The Financial Gods really tested us this month and we barely passed.  D-, I’d say.

Work on the tornado shelter is slow.  We’ve almost got the foundation all dug up, but the rain keeps delaying progress.  We thought we’d be done by now.  Instead, we’ve barely begun!  Kenny says if we happen to have a tornado, we can all just jump into the foundation hole.  We’ve survived our first nine years here by just sleeping through any storm warnings, so we’ll probably just continue to do that.

School is back in session and the kids are busy.  Kyler’s vehicle is sitting in the driveway and the parts to fix it are sitting on our kitchen counter.  This means that I have to drive both kids everywhere.  And everywhere is a lot of places!  It also interrupts the concerts I perform daily in my ‘eBay room’ while taking pictures and listing stuff.  Also, naps.  I take naps now.  And read books!  I did find it quite funny when a nap was interrupted a couple weeks ago because the UPS guy was knocking at my door.  I didn’t answer.  I don’t normally care what people think of me, but this is my co-worker now and I was wearing my Beavis and Butthead ‘Nachos Rule’ pajama pants, so...

Seems like this is a good place to end this.  I’ve got ninety-one shirts to wash and a concert to perform.  Busy day.  I hope life finds you well.  All two of you that read this (hi, Mom!).

Crappy Diem

When I was in middle school, the kid that sat next to me in English class was so inspired by the phrase 'Carpe Diem' that he decided to write it on the paper bag cover of his English book.  Except, he wasn't a strong speller, so what he actually wrote was:  Crape Diem.  Every time I saw it, I thought to myself: Crappy Diem; seize the shitty day.  And quite honestly, that is pretty fitting.

I missed work this morning because my boss said he would text me between 4:30 and 5am if I was needed.  Instead, the text came in at 5:38 (zoom in on face shot of me sleeping) and I was expected to be there in 30 minutes (which is how long it takes me to drive there).

It bugged me...for about one minute.  Then, I realized that I'd done nothing wrong and there is no reason for me to worry about it.  I brewed a pot of coffee, turned the music up loud and danced around the kitchen with Kenny in between him getting ready for work and me doing the dishes.  And that's that.  If my boss texts me at 5:38 tomorrow, I will probably be asleep then, too.

Kyler is on an amazing hiking trip in Idaho with my brother.  He is supposed to come back a man.  I snapped a photo of him before he left and when he asked why, I said, "This is your before-man photo.  I'll take another when you get home for comparison."  Then Mae also took a picture of him and said, "In case you die, I'll have the last picture ever taken of you."  Ah, sibling love.  We are all excited for him to come home and tell us of his great adventure (probably in two sentences or less) and see his fully grown beard and new facial scars.  At least that's what I'm expecting.

Kyler in Idaho.

Kyler sends a daily request for photos of his pets. Admittedly, I have wasted hours taking pictures this week.

With Kyler gone and Kenny at work all day, Mae and I have been finding fun stuff to do.  For example, we did over four hours of yard work on Monday.  Seriously, we LOVE this stuff.  When we're both outside working together, we just keep coming up with more and more ideas.  We don't quit working until we are hunched over with back pain, have multiple slivers stuck into our arms and blisters are forming on our hands.  It's really a beautiful thing.

The product of a whole lot of yard work.

Calling all porch-sitters:  our porch is ready to be sat on.

• And now, this brave mom must wake the Sleeping Teenage Beauty from her slumber, armed with breakfast and pepper spray (just in case things turn ugly).  I hope everybody reading this finds a way to seize the shitty day!

My new workout plan is in full swing.

I got called in to work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  Here is an overview of the evening shift:  it's like helping your friend move on a hot day.  Except they have 1,000 boxes.  And they move every day.  Instead of bringing pizza and beer, they direct deposit money into your account next Friday.  Strange friend.

But seriously, I love it.  It is the BEST workout plan I've found.  The mechanic is housed in the same area and plays good music, while the supervisor declares mandatory popsicle breaks.  And as a bonus, I will probably look like this in a month or so:

Okay, that was supposed to be funny but is actually traumatic.  That is my face on the photo.  Why does it look so natural?  Guess I better go cut my hair and find some bronzer...

Life after vacation

We've been back from vacation for two weeks now.  Fine, I'll unpack.

Vacation was perfect.  Kenny and I, along with the kids and nephew Max, drove to Colorado for a couple days, then on to Arizona for a few.  Next was Utah and then back to Colorado, finding fun all along the way.  Almost everything we did (besides eat and sleep in hotels) was free or costed a daily park pass fee.  And almost everything we did exceeded our expectations.  Every hotel check-in was smooth, we had zero car troubles and four of our five vacation crew were of legal age to drive, so it wasn't too much behind-the-wheel time for any of us.

Here are some vacation photos, so now it's like you basically went with us:

We took a selfie in a cave.  Without a selfie stick.  And it only took one try.  Biggest miracle of the trip!
  

This was at the first gas station we stopped at in CO.  Kenny took one look at it, said, "Nope, we're going somewhere else," and turned the car around.

These are out of order.  Back to the caves and the things Kenny made us climb into...

Bishop Castle, Pueblo, CO

We'll title this 'The Long Walk Back.'

4 Bigley's in 4 states. If you look closely, you will see that Mae is in ALL of the states.  Overachiever!

This is where we spent Kyler's 16th birthday.

Making friends in Winslow.

Mae at the Grand Canyon.  She spent much of the trip trying to give me a heart attack.

And now back to reality.  Good news: I got the job I wanted.  I am the newest Preloader at UPS.  The supervisor called me on Kyler's birthday for a second interview.  This is how I learned that I have better phone reception standing in a canyon in rural Arizona than I have at my own house.  Or driveway.  Or really anywhere in Nebraska. 

I am on-call for this week.  Thanks to Amazon deeming this 'Prime Week', they are simply too busy to train me.  I did get a shift Thursday so I guess that will be my official first day, unless they call me in sooner.  The job has been described to me as "a 4-hour workout that you get paid for."  Normally, I would be ecstatic about that, but the way I've been living my life this summer (eat EVERYTHING, run NEVER) has me worried that I will just fall over dead.  Guess there's only one way to find out!  If I never blog again, you will know what the outcome was.

Let’s go ahead and skip the apologies for not blogging for the past few years because I will probably do it again.  Get used to it.

Life has changed again.  In a good way.  In the best way.  Here’s how:  I discovered that I have severe anxiety, which is what I get for making fun of Mae’s dog all of these years (though, I will not be joining him in chewing up the couch or eating shoes anytime soon).

I know, it doesn’t sound good, but it has prompted me to pursue paths I would normally not have taken.  I suppose I should back up a bit since my last blog post has me sitting at 911.  Well, I quit.  Too many 16-hour shifts for my liking.  I got a job at LPS as a Payroll Secretary.  I stayed on part-time at 911 until the beginning of this year, at which point I felt like I didn’t know what was going on there anymore so I quit again (yes, twice in a year’s time).  Welp, as it turns out, I hated being a Payroll Secretary.  That job title translates into: most tedious, boring job that ever did exist.  So I quit that job, too.  Quitting is really easy if you want to do it.  You just email your boss and say, “I quit.”

Now that you’re all caught up on my work life, here are some of the good things that have happened in the past couple of months:

-This.  I have time to write again.
-I played the role of ‘Amanda from the College of College’ for Mae’s school skit.
-I have single-handedly undone years of neglect to my gardens.
-More people have visited me in the last 60 days than in the past couple years combined.  I have also done a lot of visiting; I know it’s a 2-way street.  Want a visit?  Hit me up!
-I have grown my eBay business from pocket change to an almost equal income as my last job.
-My house is clean, though I still have Messy-house PTSD and panic when people show up.  It’ll take some getting used to.
-Our pets are happier.
-Our kids are happier.
-I am happier.
-I am happier

Had to put that last one in twice because it just feels good to type.

I’m not sure what events had to take place and in what order exactly to prompt an emergency visit to my doctor’s office back in May.  It could really be any number of traumatic things that have happened in my life.  What I do know for sure is that I don’t like working for someone else.  Believe it or not, I am an excellent boss.  In fact, the most excellent boss I’ve ever had.  There is no dress code, the hours are flexible and the pay is dependent on the amount of work put in.  I have worked too many jobs for too many years that required me to continually work harder while receiving the same pay.  **Disclaimer: 911 is null and void from the previous statement.  I loved that job and they actually paid me accordingly.**

So, forward I tumble as I try to learn what does and doesn’t sell and when and how and why.  I am, sadly, seeking part-time employment until my income becomes more reliable.  I had the strangest job interview this morning and I’m really hoping they hire me.  I have yet to interview for a job and not get it, minus ‘The One’ (Runza, age 15).  Wish me luck!  Or don’t.  I won’t know either way.

I suppose I should throw in an update on the other Bigley’s since this is a blog about my family.  Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!  Mae is now a sophomore (gasp!) and she is spending her summer lifting weights, reading, teaching herself to play the trumpet and guitar, helping me with eBay stuff, mowing the yard and really doing anything and everything she can possibly find to do.  Yeah, she’s a go-getter.  Kyler is spending his summer doing none of that stuff except lifting weights.  We’ve found that we can get him to come out of his room by softly whispering, “Wanna go swimming?”  or “I have Oreos”.  Kenny is working and planning some big stuff for the house.  We are gearing up for a fantastic vacation but upon returning home, we will embark on building our first tornado shelter.  By ourselves.  Together.  Thoughts and prayers, please.

I'll end this with a couple other things you missed out of during my dry-blog era.

Kenny started a fire:

Artie became a diva:

Now you're all caught up and I'm going on vacation.