In two weeks from today, I will turn thirty. Contrary to my prior blog, I do not really feel old. Too often, we think of years past and panic at how many memories we have, as we are only allowed so many before arthritis, dementia and/or death set in. Instead of looking back, we should all use the 'glass half empty/glass half full' theory. Like this:
-I still have 35 years left before I can retire (and the retirement age is bound to change in that time, so really, I probably have about 55 years left of painful eight-hour days).
-No matter what, my brother is always eight years older than me.
-Based on average lifespan, I will have to change the litter box 676 more times before my cats kick the bucket. (And this is based on the assumption that I will never get another cat in my entire life [fingers crossed]).
-I have probably fully digested all of the gum I swallowed as a kid by now.
-True: I will never have algebra homework again. Also true: Both of my kids will have algebra homework and fully expect me to help. Also, also true: Everything I have ever learned about algebra has been fully and magically erased from my brain.
-There is still plenty of time to try out new and exciting inventions. Today, Swiffer Wet Jet. Tomorrow, flying cars.
-There is still plenty of time to try out new and exciting adventures. Today, nature walk with the kids. Tomorrow, flying in cars with the kids.
-I will find at least eight million ticks crawling on me in the night before my estimated date of death. **This number is based on the amount of ticks I have found in the past week multiplied by the number of weeks in a year and then multiplied by the number of years I probably have left to live. I'm certain there is an algebraic formula for this. I'll have to ask the kids' tutor when they get one.
So, as you can plainly see, I still have a long, long, very long, painful, horrible, horribly long life left to live. Wow, looking at the glass as 'half full' might be even more depressing than 'half empty.' How'd that happen?
Oh, grasshopper, it is the age of Acquarius and people will learn to vibrate at a higher frequency, thus healing themselves and living longer. They will complete the downward spiral of humanity and begin the upward spiral back to their original oneness with God...achieving their rightful place in the universe as Gods. You are right about the flying, though you will learn to fly in other ways.
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