SOLD!

I love me a good auction.  Always have.  In fact, I still remember my very first auction.  I was six and my dad took me.  It was in somebody's back yard.  I remember looking around in awe.  So.  Much.  Stuff.  And the day was a success in my book.  By the time we left, I had suckered Dad into buying me a pink kickball for one dollar.  One dollar.  Yeah, I had the exact same pink ball at home already, but we paid two dollars for that one at the Medicine Chest.  I knew that a backup ball was a smart idea. 

To this very day, I still walk around in wide-eyed wonderment when I attend an auction.  There's just something about other people's junk that sets my heart racing.  I no longer buy for my own wants because I am still on my get-organized kick. Less is more.  It is.  So I now purchase for the sole purpose of turning a profit.  (Because less is NOT more when we're talking money).  And I love to do it.  I could make a living out of it if I only had more time.  And a trailer.  But over the past few years of becoming and avid auction-goer, I have learned a thing or two.  I will share them with you now, in list form.

1.  DO YOUR RESEARCH.  Learn what you're buying.  Learn what people want to buy.  If you spend twenty dollars on an "antique" bottle and there's a guy in the corner laughing at you, it's because you were bid up on purpose and you just put down a twenty on something that will sit on your windowsill for the next forever because nobody wants to buy it.

2.  It's always a good idea to bring a calculator along to keep track of your spendings.  Or a trustworthy, math-savvy child.  Nothing like getting to the "pay here" table, pulling out the fifty dollars you spent and finding out that your total is $120.36.

3.  Children are also good for hauling your purchases to your vehicle for you, but be prepared to pay them in stuffed animals and don't get mad when you see how horribly they have packed your vehicle. 

4.  Keep close track of your bidding number.  If you don't, your child might be bidding on a llama without your knowledge.  (Yes, this truly happened to me.  And yes, it was Mae).

5.  Be realistic.  Sure, you might have the space in your pickup truck for the two-hundred pound fountain that you could get for a killer price, but if you're there alone, don't buy it.  Those auctioneers sure are nice folks when they want you to buy something, but when the sale's over and they see you struggling with the loading of your purchases, they are silently laughing.  And later on, when they're at the bar, they're probably laughing much less silently.

6.  If at all possible, work it out so that your husband shows up right as the auction ends.  This way, he will not be at the other end of the auction spending money without your consent, and he's just in time to help you load.  This may take some trickery, but it's well worth the amount of money you will save.

7.  If you are bringing children with you, limit them to a specific amount.  And make it a small amount, like two or three dollars.  They will be much more careful about what they bid on.  You also might want to limit what types of things they can bid on, as Mae got the llama for one dollar and was quite upset because, "You SAID I could spend two dollars on ANYTHING I wanted and I didn't even spend that much!"  (They were nice enough to not make us take it.  And if they had made us take it, I most certainly would have posted a blog titled 'How To Fit A Llama Into A Minivan').

8.  About that person that's trying to outbid you:  look them square in the eye.  I'm not sure if I have an intimidating look that I am unaware of or what, but people tend to shut their mouths if they catch me looking directly at them when I bid.

And that there's my best auction advice.  For now.  And now that I've written this, I don't want to hear anything about, "Waaait a minute...you bought that for a dolla' and charged me twenty?!"...because it is not that simple.  I researched, I planned, I drove, I bid, I paid, I hauled, I cleaned, I photographed, I uploaded, I described...you're really on the better end of this deal in the long run.  And anything that I don't sell gets taken to Goodwill.  Well, not Goodwill specifically but one of those types of places.  So me going to an auction = me giving to charity.  Kind of. 

And if you so decide you would like to be an avid auction-goer like me, please let me know and take me with you.  I do so love some good company.  The "regulars" don't talk to me.  I am not accepted because I do not own an antique shop.  And the not-so-regulars are so in awe that they don't notice me, but I understand that because I do the same thing.  Or maybe I'm better off on my own because in the rare instances that people do talk to me at these events, I mostly find myself not wanting to acknowledge their existence because I might miss the deal of a lifetime.  Yeah, actually, don't take me with.  Bad idea.