Chalk it Up.

I headed to town to buy toilet paper and coffee.  We were nearly out of both and without them, I could foresee much sadness and destruction in our house.  So to the store I went.  Except I got distracted by a couple of garage sales.  And then I wanted ice cream so I had to go to Dairy Queen.  And then on my third attempt at making it to the store, I passed Mead Lumber and remembered that I needed paint.  But it takes a while to mix paint, so while I was waiting, I wandered the store aimlessly.  I didn't need anything, nor did I want anything beyond my paint.  That is, until I saw "it".  "It" is an aerosol can that sprays chalkboard.  No, really, they have that.  And I didn't know it.  I read and re-read the back of the can to ensure that what I was seeing was really true.  You can spray a chalkboard anywhere?  I immediately took the can to the paint clerk, held it up and demanded to know, "IS THIS TRUE?!"  She said, "Yeah, you can even spray it on your wall."  She then pushed my can of paint across the counter and told me to have a nice day.  After having a slight panic attack, I made my way through the check-out, raced to the store, then headed home.

When I arrived home, there were extra people here.  I LOVE it when extra people are here, especially when I have something incredibly awesome to show them.  My niece was standing in the kitchen, saw the bags I was carrying and asked, "What'd you buy?"  I immediately pulled out the can and proudly displayed it about four inches from her face.  She casually shrugged and said, "Cool."  NOT the reaction I was looking for.  I told her, "No you actually have to READ it."  She then read the can, put both hands on top of her head and screamed, "NO WAY!!!"  There's the reaction I was after.  Without any further hesitation, she held her arm out towards me and said, "CHALKBOARD MY HAND!!!!"  Can you tell we're related?

I now have to tell you the sad news:  I have yet to turn anything into a chalkboard.  See, what happened is that I bought the can solely intending to turn a used-to-be end table into a chalkboard table for Mae's room.  But since it was Saturday, I had time to think.  And thinking isn't always good when you're me (which you're not, so you'll just have to take my word for it).  I suddenly became very aware of all of the possibilities and they are endless.  And when there are endless ideas, it hurts my brain and I get confused.  Where to start?  What if I chalkboard the toilet and then decide that I would have rather chalkboarded the Jeep?  Why did I only get one can?  What if they run out before I can make it back to the store?  WHAT IF THERE'S A SHORTAGE OF CHALKBOARD-IN-A-CAN?!  So I've been clutching my can tightly ever since, knowing it won't be enough.  Ever.  I want to chalkboard my counters.  And my fridge.  And the siding on my house.  I want a whole chalkboard house.  We would never have to buy paper again.  Or pens.  And we'd never be bored.  I want to live in a chalkboard world.  But I only have one can.  And if I don't snap out of it soon, I will end up spending the entire rest of my life protecting this one can and never using it.  When I die, they won't be able to pry it out of my hands so then I will have to be buried with it. 

I told Kenny that he should never let me leave the house alone.  This is the kind of stuff that happens when I am unsupervised.