Kyler and Mae wake up at the exact same time.
Kyler feeds his cats and gets dressed before he even leaves his bedroom. Mae mosies out of her room, wiping her eyes and yawning. She fills the dog's water dish and spills at least half of it across the kitchen floor. She feeds the dogs, also spilling at least half of their food across the kitchen floor.
Kyler and Mae get ready for breakfast. Kyler pours a bowl of cereal, adds milk, grabs a spoon and starts eating. Mae sits down and in a whiny voice inquires, "Mom, what can I eat?" I'm prepared for this and I answer, "We have three different kinds of cereal and two kinds of oatmeal. You can make eggs. You can make toast. You can make eggs and toast together. You can have a bagel or you can even make a sandwich." She yawns again and says, "That's ALL?" As Kyler's rinsing his bowl, she finally decides on cereal.
Kyler brushes his teeth, puts on his glasses and checks his backpack to ensure he has everything he needs while Mae is eating breakfast. She finishes and exits the kitchen, leaving her milk-filled bowl sitting at the table.
Kyler pulls on his socks and his shoes, then tells me he's going to read a book for thirty minutes. Noticing the unusual silence, I walk into Mae's room to find her changing her doll's diaper. She's still in her jammies. I tell her she has thirty minutes until we leave and she should probably think about getting dressed. She fires back with, "I don't have ANYTHING to wear." I look toward her dresser filled with drawers of stretchy pants, jeans, skirts and skorts. I then look toward her closet where multiple dresses and at least twenty shirts hang. She notices this and says, "Well, I don't have anything I WANT to wear."
I go back to my desk to work and about five minutes pass before Mae yells from her room, "Mom, I need you to get something off of the top of my wardrobe that I can't reach." I ask her if it's something she plans on wearing because all she needs to focus on at this time is getting dressed. She replies with a simple, "Yes." So, I go into her bedroom once again. I see no clothing on her wardrobe so I ask what I'm supposed to retrieve for her and she says, "My Magic 8 Ball." I say, "You told me it was something you were wearing," and she says, "Well, it's going to tell me what to wear." I roll my eyes and hand her the Magic 8 Ball. She says, "Is my mom a big, giant turd?", then she shakes the ball and says, "Yes, it is certain!! Mom, you are! I KNEW it!!"
I go back to my desk. About ten minutes later, Mae comes out of her bedroom and by some sort of Thursday miracle, she is dressed. I tell her, "Now brush your hair and brush your teeth," and she puts her elbows on my desk and her hands under her chin and says, "Tell me about the day I was born." I give her a look and she decides she better just listen this time, so she heads for the bathroom, though all hunched over and dragging her feet.
It is almost time to go now so I tell Mae that she needs to check her backpack and put on her shoes, socks and jacket. She completely ignores me, looks at Kyler and says, "Kyler, you NERD, are you actually reading in the MORNING?!" Kyler's maturity level exceeds even my own, so he just ignores her and continues his reading. Seeing that she cannot get a fight out of him, she decides that now is a good time to stare in awe at her new ant farm. After a very long moment, I tell her, "Backpack, shoes, socks, jacket. Now." She says, "I tried to eat an ant once when I was little. It was a black one. I never told you about it." I set her backpack, shoes, socks and jacket right next to her and give her a one-minute warning.
Kyler now has bookmarked his spot in his book and is fully ready and waiting to walk out the door. Mae slowly pulls her socks on, complaining that they are not the ones she planned to wear today (yeah, like I'd ever believe that she PLANNED something) and as Kyler and I stand there watching her, she says, "What're you guys staring at?!"
We finally make it out to the Jeep, get inside, start driving and Mae says, "Mom, I forgot my assignment book!" I slam on the brakes and she runs inside to get it. We start the leaving process over. Halfway down the driveway, Mae says, "Mom, I forgot my homework!" I slam on the brakes again and let out a long sigh and say, "You've GOT to be kidding me!" I put the Jeep in reverse and start backing up when Mae says, "Yeah, I am. I didn't even have homework. You should know that."
Every morning that we make it to the bus stop before (or at the same time as) the bus, I am amazed. I wonder if the bus driver knows just exactly what it takes to make this happen. We're almost always somehow on time, so he probably has no idea that each and every school morning is a roller coaster for us. Are there other 'Mae's' out there? Do other parents deal with this constant morning drama every single day? I'd like to know. Maybe we could start a support group. PORFF: Parents Of Refusing and Resistant Children. We'll meet in secret and work on our coping techniques together.
I have a few memories of more than one child who was difficult to get on the bus every morning! So nice that I only have to get me out the door right now.
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